A Brutally Romantic Story of Georgette and Raya

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“Sayang, I’m close to cum! Aaah!”

Setengah sadar kulihat wajahnya dalam nafas yang tersengal,  menahan nikmat seraya berkata, “Sayang banget aku, sayang banget aku!” Kusadari paras di depanku saat ini, bukan dia. Bukan lagi dia, perempuan yang dua setengah tahun ini merajut tawa dan tangis bersamaku. Ya, peraduan malam ini bukan dengan kekasihku sendiri. Wanita ini milik orang yang mungkin hanya sedang butuh kehangatan.

Logika datang di saat yang aku bahkan tidak tahu tepat atau tidak. Kupercepat gerakanku untuk kenikmatanku semata. Pikiranku melayang ke momen ketika dia masih seseorang yang menjadi milikku, seutuhnya. Kuangkat kedua kaki panjangnya, semakin tenggelam di dalam tubuhnya dengan intensitas yang semakin cepat. “Sayangnya sama siapaaa?” Aku bertanya dengan brutal di sela-sela tubuhnya. Gerakan yang kulakukan dan pertanyaan yang kulontarkan sama brutalnya, tiada ampun.

“Sayang sama kaaa… muuu! Aaah, hhh.” Sempat dijawabnya pertanyaanku tadi seraya tubuhnya yang mengejang dan jemarinya mencengkeram kedua bahuku. Wajahnya kian memerah, kupagut bibir yang sedang menunggu untuk dijamah itu. Ada rasa hangat aliran darah di sekitar panggul. Orgasmeku dengannya kali ini akan menjadi yang terakhir, gumamku dalam hati.

Menggelepar tubuh Raya. Tak butuh waktu lama, setelah itu dia menghilang bersama mimpi yang tidak pernah aku tahu apa kisahnya. Malam itu aku tidak bisa tidur pulas. Tubuh yang lelah tidak menjadi alasan untukku memejamkan mata. Tidak kurang dari 24 jam lagi aku akan melepas seorang yang baru saja bercinta denganku. Kuintip wajahnya yang tertidur, pulas seperti bayi. “Bayi setan!” gumamku lagi dalam hati.

Esoknya aku terjebak di tengah hari yang memuakkan. Perut yang kenyang tidak bisa menghadirkan rasa kantuk. Aku ingat betul betapa adegan semalam seharusnya tidak terjadi.

Tiba-tiba aku terhenyak mendengar namaku dipanggil dari dalam kamar mandi. “Ojeeet! Georgette ke sini dooong! Tolong liatin ini air panas kenapa sih kok nggak bisa nyala?” Raya yang memanggil, apalagi keinginannya kali ini, dasar perempuan menyebalkan!

“Iya, sebentar.” Dengan malas kuangkat tubuhku dari sofa, dan melangkah gontai ke arah kamar mandi yang tidak ditutup rapat olehnya.

“Kenapa sih air panasnya? Biasanya juga bisa. Nyalain sendiri kan udah bis…” Belum sempat aku menyelesaikan pertanyaan yang terdengar seperti keluhan, bibirku sudah dirampas kebebasannya oleh bibir Raya. Dia menciumku penuh nafsu, setengah telanjang.

“Gila!” Dengan setengah membentak aku pun menjauh.

“Di luar tuh banyak keluarga lo dan teman-teman! Apa sih yang lo pikirin? Nanti flight lo telat semua orang jadi repot!” Wajahnya terlihat kaget dan sedih, mungkin saja dia baru merasakan penolakan keras yang  tidak pernah terjadi selama kami sebagai partner hidup.

Sebenarnya hati ini iba melihat ekspresinya. Aku pun masih berat menerima keputusan bahwa hubungan kami harus sampai di sini saja dan perempuanku lebih memilih untuk pergi memadu kasih dengan pria yang baru dikenalkan temannya dari internet.

“Gue nggak bisa kayak gini lagi, Raya. Semalam itu kesalahan yang nggak boleh terulang.” Kutinggalkan dia yang tertegun bodoh dari dalam kamar mandi.

Keluarga Raya, teman-temannya, dan aku mengantar keberangkatannya sampai bandara untuk flight menuju ke Paris jam dua siang. Raya pergi untuk liburan berkunjung ke tempat kakak perempuannya yang sudah menikah dan menetap bertahun-tahun dengan orang Prancis. Di sana Raya akan disambut oleh Ego, mahasiswa Indonesia yang sedang studi di Jerman. Ya, seorang lelaki yang menjalin hubungan jarak jauh selama satu tahun terakhir.

Aku pun pernah dikenalkan dengannya sewaktu dia pulang berlibur ke Indonesia. Seorang pria angkuh dibungkus keramahan, tipikal pelajar Indonesia yang terjangkit culture lag karena kaget akan budaya luar. Sering menjelek-jelekkan negaranya sendiri.  Menyebalkan memang saat kekasihmu pergi bersama pria yang menurutmu tidak lebih keren darimu.

Rencananya mereka akan berlibur Prancis-Jerman-Prancis bersama. Bagus, menurutku. Tidak ada lagi perempuan peselingkuh dalam hidupku lagi. Satu tahun hidup bersama dan satu tahun setengah hubungan jarak jauh beda negara sudah membuatku kenyang akan kelakuannya yang selalu mencari yang lebih baik dariku. Bukan karena kami tidak saling menyayangi atau tidak menginginkan satu sama lain, dan juga bukan karena aku tidak cukup membuatnya bahagia. Aku bahkan sangat yakin Raya belum bisa berpaling rasa dariku. Namun karena aku juga perempuan, yang tentunya tidak akan pernah bisa menikahinya secara agama atau membangun hidup normal layaknya pasangan hetero. Hidup yang disahkan agama Tuhan, Negara, dan norma. Hidup yang tidak pernah kuidamkan.

Di depan pintu masuk check in keberangkatan bandara, Raya berpamitan dengan semua orang termasuk aku. Seperti direncanakan olehnya, aku adalah orang terakhir yang dipamitinya. Dia memelukku, mencium pipi, dan berpesan untuk jaga diriku baik-baik. Kubisikkan pesan yang sama kepadanya.

Raya masuk ke dalam ruang check in tanpa berpaling wajah sedikit pun dariku. Seperti tidak puas-puasnya dia menelan hidupku bulat-bulat dan penuh keyakinan akan kesetiaanku menunggunya sepulang dari Eropa nanti. Sudah berakhir Raya, hati ini sudah bukan milikmu lagi sejak kamu memutuskan untuk meninggalkanku untuk orang lain.

Bonne voyage Raya, au revoir. Je suis desole.

(“Writer and Editor”)

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