Alphabet of Love: B for Be Without You/Badai

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Februari tiba dan membawa kenangan yang menghebat bersama musim angin. Perih pada mata. Entah yang jatuh airmata karena rindu atau pasir di udara.

Mencintaimu dan belajar melupakanmu membuatku akrab dengan langit-langit. Keduanya membuatku tak bisa tidur. Keduanya membuatku ingin segera mendapati pagi. Supaya aku bisa melakukan hal lain dan tak memikirkanmu. Kecuali malam saat letih meninabobokanku dengan baju kerja masih menempel di badan.

Entah kenapa aku melakukan hal yang sia-sia. Membuktikan bahwa aku sanggup tanpa dirimu padahal kau tak pernah peduli bagaimana kabarku. Dan aku masih juga menulis ini di bulan Februari untukmu. Tak peduli bahwa kau tak peduli. Aku tak ingin menyapamu atau memperbaiki apa pun tentang kita. Tidak pula ingin berteman ataupun berharap suatu saat kita bersama lagi.

Kusadari karena selama ini kaulah sahabat terbaikku. Dan agak aneh kalau aku tidak ingin bercerita kepadamu tentang apa saja. Tentang hidup tanpamu. Tentang perjalanan demi perjalanan yang kulalui dan menemui orang-orang baru. Tapi dalam mimpi pun aku tak ingin kembali ke masa kita bersama. Kembali sebagai sahabat, apalagi kekasih. Padahal kau sahabat terbaikku. Entah kenapa. Tiba-tiba aku mengerti bahwa aku harus berhenti.

Ibarat angin, kau akan pergi setelah membuatku merasakan kehadiranmu. Dengan apa pun aku tak akan sanggup menangkap, menangkar, ataupun mengikatmu. Dan kau hanya akan menjadi besar dengan sesama angin. Akan kuceritakan dari mulut ke mulut tentang gadis yang mencintai angin dan bagaimana ia hidup, serta melupakan badai yang telah membuat segalanya porak poranda.


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