Bahagialah, Gie

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“Sudahlah, kita selalu meributkan perihal ini!”

“Gie, dengarkan dulu. Perasaanku beralasan. Gie… Halo.. Halo..”

Sudah berlalu seminggu dari pertengkaran kami via telepon, aku tidak pernah mendapat kabar dan tak sedikit pun memiliki niat untuk bertanya kabar kepada kekasihku, Gie.

Angelina Larassati. Aku selalu menyebut nama lengkapnya setiap akan mengatakan rindu padanya. Seminggu lalu, pertengkaran dengan topik yang itu-itu saja kembali membuat komunikasi kami terganggu. Aku yang selalu mencurigainya memiliki kekasih lain di kota tempat dia bekerja. Sungguh aku tak berusaha mencurigainya.Namun entah kenapa setiap kali aku berusaha menghapus kecurigaan, pikiran itu malah semakin jelas meyakinkan perasaanku.

Hubungan yang kami jalin sudah bisa dibilang cukup lama, empat tahun tujuh bulan. Cukup bagiku untuk mengenal dan menyadari sifat dan sikapnya jika ada perubahan. Tepatnya sekitar enam bulan yang lalu, ketika aku mengunjunginya ke kota perantauannya. Tak ada lagi pelukan rindu yang erat seakan aku tak boleh pergi jauh lagi. Kecupannya tak lagi mampu membuatku benar-benar pulang. Ada sesuatu yang tak lagi sehangat seperti biasanya. Tapi aku berusaha menepis semua itu. Mungkin memang benar hanya perasaanku saja. Mungkin karena aku terlalu takut kehilangan, atau karena sudah terlalu lama menjalani Long Distance Relationship ini. Seminggu kuhabiskan waktu bersamanya. Mengunjungi tempat-tempat yang belum sempat kudatangi bersamanya dan berbelanja buku-buku yang sudah kami rencanakan bersama. Kami tidak terlalu suka berada di tengah keramaian. Kami lebih nyaman menghabiskan hari bersama dengan buku-buku dan secangkir minuman favorit di ruang tamu rumahnya. Melakukan semua itu, perasaanku menjadi sedikit membaik.

Kami pasangan yang termasuk membuat kesepakatan membebaskan pasangan ‘melihat’ isi handphone pasangannya. Seperti biasa, malam sebelum tidur aku selalu melihat-lihat isi handphone Gie. Galeri fotonya selalu menjadi favoritku, Gie selalu mampu membuat cerita di setiap bidikan kameranya. Aku akui itu. Setelah puas melihat-lihat galeri fotonya, aku beralih ke akun media sosialnya, Twitter, Instagram, sampai Path-nya aku cek satu persatu. Tak ada yang menarik hatiku. Sampailah aku membuka aplikasi WhatsApp-nya, dan mataku tertarik membaca percakapannya dengan seseorang yang tak pernah diceritakannya kepadaku.

Sial! Percakapan yang nyaris membuatku meledak malam itu. Kutanyakan langsung apa maksud percakapan itu kepada Gie. Gie bukannya menjelaskan malah mengambil paksa handphone yang sedang kupegang. Besoknya saat aku mau melihatnya lagi, handphone-nya sudah dalam keadaan terkunci dengan password sampai aku kembali ke kotaku, aku tak dibolehkannya membuka handphone-nya lagi.

Aku menemukan percakapan Gie dengan seorang perempuan yang tak kukenal. Intens dan bisa kubilang perempuan itu menaruh perhatian yang nyaris sama seperti yang kulakukan kepada Gie. Dan Gie menyambutnya dengan ramah.

Menurut kalian, sekarang ketidaknyamananku hanya perasaan saja atau beralasan?

Sekembali aku ke kotaku, aku semakin merasakan perubahan Gie yang jelas tak lagi seperti Gie kekasihku yang biasanya. Komunikasi kami berantakan dan setiap aku menanyakan siapa perempuan itu kami selalu berujung dengan pertengkaran. Bodohnya, aku selalu yang lebih dulu meminta maaf. Aku menyayangi Gie, itu yang membuatku menekan semua egoku.

Dan seminggu lalu, kami kembali bertengkar dengan topik yang sama lagi. Aku sampai pada titik kehilangan kesabaran karena menunggu penjelasan yang tak pernah keluar dari mulut Gie. Aku lelah, aku tidak menanyakan kabarnya setelah pertengkaran itu dan tidak juga mendapat kabarnya. Kuputuskan menemui Gie langsung tanpa berkabar dulu. Kebetulan aku sekalian menemui partner kerja di kotanya.

Ada mobil terparkir di halaman rumahnya, mobil yang cukup mewah. Seketika perasaanku berkecamuk. Kuringankan tanganku mengetuk pintu rumah Gie. Namun tak jadi, pintu tak tertutup rapat dan ada sedikit celah. Entah apa yang kupikirkan, bukannya membuka pintu saja langsung, aku malah mengintip kedalam rumah kekasihku seperti maling.

Pemandangan yang tak mengenakkan hati terlihat olehku. Seorang perempuan sedang mencumbu bibir kekasihku, Gie. Aku terbakar emosi, semua sudah pada waktunya. Aku masuk membabi buta dan menarik leher kemeja perempuan itu, satu bogem mentah tepat mengenai pelipisnya. Jika saja Gie tak meronta menghalangiku menghabisinya aku tak tahu apa yang akan terjadi pada wajah perempuan itu. Aku memang temperamen itu kekuranganku. Gie memisahkan kami, perempuan itu tak melawan. Kutanyakan baik-baik pada Gie, siapa perempuan itu. Gie diam, terisak memegang tanganku. Gie tahu jelas kelemahanku, tak bisa melihat perempuan menangis. Kali ini aku belajar melawan kelemahanku.

“Aku tak akan menuntut penjelasanmu lagi Gie atas perempuan ini. Aku sudah mendapatkan jawabanku sendiri. Berbahagialah dengan pilihanmu. Kita selesai. Terima kasih untuk semua kasih sayangmu selama ini.”

Aku beranjak tanpa peduli tangisan dan panggilan Gie. Aku beranjak untuk selamanya dari kehidupan Gie.

“Gie, jika kau membaca ini, aku tak ingin beranjak sedikit pun dari hidupmu. Aku tak ingin kehilangan senyum manjamu setiap memintaku menyanyikan satu lagu untukmu. Aku benar-benar tak ingin menghapusmu dari hidupku. Tapi aku juga punya hati yang tersakiti karenamu. Maafkan aku, Angelina Larassati. Berbahagialah dengan apa yang kamu pilih.”

(Diandra)

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