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Perlahan tapi pasti, tetesan itu menepi di sudut nyala bola mata yang sudah lama redup.
Aku tak tahu harus bagaimana, jadi kubiarkan saja dia membasahimu.
Toh, sudah terlalu lama juga kau tak merasa.

Bahwasanya kau masih tetap manusia yang tak hanya bisa menipu tawa tapi juga menghela sesak dalam pengap kamarmu yang hampa.

Kubiarkan saja kau menertawai pecah tangis yang kau sebut “pengecut” itu.
Yang kau maki mati-matian karena berani-beraninya dia menghampirimu.
Karena teledornya dia mendekatimu.
Menyentuhmu seakan tubuhmu terlalu murah untuk sepecah harapan yang punah.
“Aku tak serapuh itu!”
Serumu tiap kali dia merapat.
Lalu membumbung genggam pada padat tembok di samping lusuh seprai yang memelukmu tiap malam.

Aku tahu, kau tak pernah rapuh. Tak pernah lemah. Tak pernah pecah.
Kau hanya tak (lagi) merasa.
Kau buang segenap reaksi kimia itu jauh setelah jatuhmu yang pertama.
Kau buang dia jauh.
Tapi sendu selalu membawanya pulang.
Seharusnya kau bunuh juga sendu itu, seperti kau membunuhku.

(Chase)

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77 COMMENTS

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