Bulu Mata (Part. 1)

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Kubuka telapak tanganku yang mengepal. Sejak tadi jemari kutautkan rapat-rapat, demi menjaga sesuatu di dalamnya, agar tidak sampai jatuh dan hilang. Aku mengenggam erat-erat, seolah tengah menyimpan sepotong keajaiban hidup di sana.

Saat kini kepalan itu meregang hingga jemariku terbuka, benda berharga itu masih tergolek seperti sedia kala. Kupandangi dengan bola mata yang mengabur oleh air mata yang tak kunjung berhenti luruh. Benda hitam berbahan bulu itu seolah tengah balas memandangku.

Bayang-bayang samar semakin nyata, hingga sepotong bulu mata yang sangat kujaga itu kini tak lagi sekadar bulu mata palsu seperti yang dimiliki hampir seluruh perempuan dewasa di muka bumi ini, melainkan menjelma siluet yang perlahan-lahan membentuk sesosok tubuh lengkap dengan sepasang tangan dan kaki, leher jenjang, serta batok kepala berbentuk indah yang dilapisi rambut lurus tebal berwarna coklat. Bukan hanya itu, bahkan suara serak-serak basah yang sudah sangat akrab di telingaku selama hampir 30 tahun kehidupanku, juga ikut berkumandang.

“Jangan menangis, ah. Kamu jelek kalau menangis.”

Aku terkesiap, lalu mengedarkan pandang ke sekeliling yang penuh dengan orang-orang yang tengah berkerumun. Mataku memicing, berusaha mencari si pemilik suara. Aku sangat yakin, gumaman barusan memang dikeluarkan olehnya. Dita. Sahabat terbaikku sejak kecil, di mana kami tumbuh, melewati masa puber, dan memasuki usia dewasa bersama. Leherku masih terjulur kian kemari untuk mencari, ketika kurasakan tangan Vira menggamit jemariku.

“Kamu cari apa, Cynthia?”

“Dita,” desisku.

Vira tak menjawab. Ia juga tak lagi memegangi jemariku, karena tangannya telah digunakannya untuk mengusap wajahnya yang pucat dan kuyu.

“Nggak.” Vira menggeleng lemah.

“Aku yakin Dita ada di sini,” ucapku terbata. “Barusan dia ngomong sama aku,” lanjutku keras, mencoba meyakinkan Vira untuk mempercayai ucapanku.

“Cynthia, stop!” Vira menekan bahuku kuat-kuat, hingga menimbulkan rasa nyeri dan memaksaku untuk berkelit darinya.

“Aku akan mencarinya. Kamu di sini saja.” Tanpa menunggu jawaban Vira, aku beranjak meninggalkannya, berusaha menembus keramaian orang-orang yang tak kunjung surut, bahkan semakin lama semakin bertambah.

Hawa panas, cuaca terik, ditambah dengan hiruk pikuk orang-orang membuatku gelisah dan mencucurkan keringat. Dress berbahan katun hitam yang kukenakan sampai basah di punggung dan melekat lengket di tubuhku. Payung yang sejak tadi ditawarkan oleh Vira sama sekali tak kuterima. Aku tidak takut panas. Aku berani menentang teriknya sang surya. Ketajamannya takkan mampu menembus kepalaku. Bukan karena aku kebal, tapi karena aku merasa, bahwa terik matahari takkan mampu memberiku rasa sakit luar biasa seperti kesakitan yang dirasakan oleh Dita.

Ah, lagi-lagi Dita. Seolah apa saja yang kulakukan dan kudengar selalu mengingatkanku kepadanya. Bahkan, desir angin dan gemerisik dedaunan pun mampu melayangkan benakku terhadap perempuan yang sangat kukasihi itu.

Takkan ada yang bisa membuatku lupa, bagaimana mata Dita akan membelalak lebar setiap kali aku bercerita tentang hal-hal menarik maupun konyol yang kualami. Belum lagi suaranya yang serak-serak basah, yang akan menjerit nyaring setiap kali aku mengisenginya dengan merecoki peralatan makeup miliknya yang super duper lengkap. Juga jemari panjangnya yang spontan layaknya mesin otomatis, yang akan terjulur mencubit atau menarik rambutku, jika aku mencoba menakutinya dengan mengatakan bahwa tubuhnya mulai menggemuk. Semua itu terpatri kuat dan akan selalu abadi di lorong benakku yang sempit.

***

Begitu cerianya aku, tatkala dua hari lalu, tanpa aba-aba dan pemberitahuan sebelumnya, Dita dan Vira tiba-tiba datang ke rumahku layaknya penjajah yang siap melakukan kudeta. Pada saat itu aku sedang berdecak puas mengamati bayangku di cermin. Mengenakan dress beludru biru donker yang dengan nyata mengukir lekuk indah tubuhku. Rambut ikal sepunggungku sengaja kutata acak. Semua terlihat sempurna dengan sepasang anting bulu berwarna gelap, yang menjuntai lembut dari kedua daun telinga. Sebagai sentuhan akhir, aku menyemprotkan parfum Chanel ke belakang daun telinga dan pergelangan tangan, ketika pintu kamarku terbuka dan dua anak manusia masuk tanpa tata krama.

“Hai. Rapi amat. Mau pergi?” Dita meletakkan tas tangannya ke atas ranjang, sebelum menghampiriku dan memberikan ciuman pipi kiri kanan yang merupakan ritual wajib kami setiap kali bertemu atau akan berpisah.

“Wah, timing kita nggak pas nih. Si Nona Muda sepertinya mau pergi,” komentar Vira sembari melompat dan merebahkan tubuhnya yang mungil ke atas ranjang. Sama sekali mengacuhkan pandangan tajamku, karena ia serta merta merusak tatanan sepreiku yang rapi dan licin sempurna.

“Mau ke mana?” tanya Dita lagi. Ia berdiri di hadapanku, sembari matanya menatapku dari ujung rambut hingga telapak sepatu bertumit 11 centimeter-ku.

“Tadinya sih mau ketemu Dimas,” jawabku mengangkat bahu.

“Dimas? Who’s Dimas? Kok namanya asing? Baru?” Serta merta jemari Dita terjulur hendak menarik hidungku. Pada saat yang tepat, aku bermanuver lincah untuk berkelit. Hari ini aku sama sekali tak berencana membiarkan jemari Dita merusak dandananku.

“He em, baru. Dikenalin Mama,” ucapku. Kurasakan wajahku merona, karena entah mengapa ada sebersit rasa bersalah yang menyusupi hatiku. Untunglah sedetik kemudian aku sudah berhasil menguasai keadaan kembali.

“Yaaaaaaah. Padahal kita kan mau gosip.” Dita cemberut.

“Kamu sih, Dit. Sok mau bikin surprise segala. Dari tadi kan aku udah bilang, kita kabarin Cynthia dulu sebelum kemari.” Vira melompat duduk di kasur. Mulutnya komat-kamit menyalahkan Dita.

“Ya sudahlah, nggak masalah. Ada gosip apa emang?” Mataku berbinar penuh rasa ingin tahu.

“Kamu pergi jam berapa?” Dita balik bertanya, tak menjawab tanyaku.

“Biar aku reschedule aja deh sama Dimas. Hari ini aku bareng kalian aja,” jawabku enteng.

That’s good, Girl.” Vira mengacungkan ibu jarinya padaku, lalu kembali merebahkan tubuh di kasur, dengan posisi yang sama sekali tidak menunjukkan kefemininan.

“Janganlah. Nggak baik ngebatalin janji last minute begitu. Kalau memang sudah janji, kamu harus bertanggung jawab,” saran Dita bijak.

Aku terdiam dan berpikir selama dua menit. Lalu tanganku meraih ponsel dan mengetik WhatsApp, mengajukan permohonan maaf sekaligus reschedule janji dengan Dimas. Lima belas detik kemudian, balasan Dimas yang positif dan menerima alasanku, masuk.

“Sudah beres kok.” Kuletakkan ponsel di atas meja rias. “Sama Dimas sih mau lunch bareng doang. Janjiannya memang sudah sejak seminggu yang lalu, tapi kamu tahu sendiri kan kalau aku sebenernya nggak suka dijodoh-jodohin Mama.”

“Besok kamu jadi ke Penang?” tanya Dita. Aku mengangguk. “Nah, jadi reschedule-nya buat kapan? Kasihan lho dia.”

“Nggak apa, tenang aja. Aku lebih milih sama kamu.” Kugigit bibirku, begitu menyadari ucapanku yang berlebihan. “Nggg, maksudku, hari ini aku maunya bareng kalian aja. Dua sahabat terbaikku.” Aku terkekeh di ujung kalimat.

Dita tersenyum. Selama sedetik matanya bercahaya, tetapi detik berikutnya berubah ganjil. Maniknya menyorotkan rindu, pengharapan, sekaligus luka yang saling berbelit. Daun telingaku juga menangkap suara hela napasnya. Samar, tapi mampu menggugah sarafku. Perlahan, ia melangkah ke depan cermin seukuran badan yang terletak di sudut kamar, lalu menghenyakkan tubuh di lantai.

“Bawain beauty case kamu dong. Pinjam.” Ditatapnya aku dari balik cermin besar itu.

“Kamu nggak bawa punya kamu?” tanyaku sembari menyeberangi ruang dengan menenteng kotak berwarna silver. Dita menggeleng. “Tumben banget. Biasanya selalu ready di mobil kamu.”

“Kali ini nggak. Ketinggalan. Mobil juga nggak bawa,” jawabnya ringkas, sembari membuka kotak peralatan kecantikanku, dan mulai mengeluarkan alat-alat yang dibutuhkannya.

Kulepaskan sepatu yang sejak tadi telah kukenakan, sebelum mengikuti aksi Dita untuk duduk bersila di depan cermin. Mungkin jiwa kewanitaannya merasa terpanggil, atau memang karena tak ingin ketinggalan pembicaraan, Vira pun menggelosor dari ranjang dan duduk menyempil di antara aku dan Dita.

Untuk beberapa saat aku hanya diam memperhatikan kelincahan jemari Dita menggunakan alat-alat kecantikan. Sesekali kudapati ia mencuri pandang ke arahku melalui cermin. Namun, setiap kubalas, ia cepat-cepat mengalihkannya dan fokus pada wajahnya kembali.

Hari ini ada yang berbeda dengan Dita. Aku tak bisa menjelaskannya dengan kata-kata, tetapi aku bisa merasakannya. Ada saat-saat di mana mata itu kosong dan tak bercahaya, lalu detik berikutnya akan kembali penuh keceriaan. Wajahnya juga lebih pucat dari biasanya. Semua itu membuatku gelisah. Sangat gelisah.

“Eh, Cyn, ada charger nganggur, nggak? Atau power bank juga nggak apa-apa deh. Mau pinjam.” Suara Dita yang lirih menyentak diriku, menarikku paksa dari lamunan dan kembali ke alam nyata.

“Hmm, ada.” Aku bersiap beranjak untuk mengambilkan benda yang dimaksud, ketika Dita cepat-cepat menambahkan.

“Bukan mau dipakai sekarang. Mau dibawa. Hmm, charger-ku ketinggalan di rumah,” imbuhnya gugup.

“Di rumah?” Keningku mengernyit. “Lho, emang kamu nggak di rumah?” Kulirik Vira, menuntut jawab. Namun, Vira hanya mengangkat bahu dan menghela napas singkat.

“Aku nginap di hotel. Tadi juga minta dijemput sama Vira.”

“Astaga, Dit. Kenapa? Ada masalah sama orang rumah lagi? Terus kenapa nggak ngabarin aku? Kamu kan bisa nginap di sini!” berondongku.

Please, Cyn, lagi nggak pengen bahas.” Suara Dita yang memelas berhasil mengatupkan kembali bibirku yang sudah terbuka dan siap memuntahkan ratusan pertanyaan lagi.

Kuturuti pintanya. Aku diam, tak lagi menyudutkannya. Ya, memang beginilah Dita. Kami bertiga tumbuh bersama sejak balita, karena orangtua kami juga berteman baik. Banyak hal kami lalui bersama-sama. Saling berbagi cerita, kekonyolan, hingga kegundahan. Namun, Dita berbeda. Ia selalu siap memberikan telinga dan bahunya untukku dan Vira, tetapi tak pernah membagi airmatanya. Ia tidak mengizinkan kami untuk ikut merasakan duka dan bebannya. Bukan karena ia tak pernah memiliki masalah, hanya saja menurut pengakuannya, ia lebih senang menyimpan dan menyesapinya sendiri.

*to be continued

(Luke, @true_aristocrat)

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