Bumerang Sang Mantan

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Beberapa waktu yang lalu, saya pernah melempar topik obrolan di linimasa mengenai seberapa ekstremnya punya mantan pacar lesbian yang masih tidak bisa menerima perpisahan. Dari beberapa jawaban, saya mengambil dua topik besar, yaitu mantan yang mengancam bunuh diri dan mantan yang melaporkan ke orangtua jika anak gadisnya adalah seorang lesbian.

Memang benar, seindah apa pun perpisahan tetap saja akan ada pihak yang terluka. Namanya hati tidak bisa dipaksakan. Apalagi move on bukanlah hal mudah untuk sebagian orang. Perlu diingat, move on bukan perkara bisa atau tidak bisa, tapi mau atau tidak mau.

Sakit hati karena tidak lagi memiliki orang yang kita cintai? Percayalah, bukan kamu saja yang pernah mengalaminya. Banyak orang di luar sana yang juga pernah merasakan hal yang sama. Namun mereka menyikapinya dengan jalan yang benar.

Menarik perhatian mantan bisa dengan banyak cara. Coba pilih cara yang jauh lebih ‘sehat’. Mengancam bunuh diri, dengan  mengirim foto ketika menyayat pergelangan tangan? Poor you. Justru sikap begitu yang membuktikan bahwa kamu memang layak untuk dijadikan mantan. Sekuat-kuatnya seorang perempuan, tetap saja dia akan terlihat rapuh dan membutuhkan pasangan untuk menguatkan diri. Bagaimana dia bisa bertahan dengan orang yang justru merepotkan –maaf, dalam hal ini, mantan yang mengancam untuk bunuh diri saya kategorikan sebagai ‘merepotkan’.

Benar, tidak semua orang mampu mengontrol tingkat emosinya. Terlebih dengan senjata ampuh “Gue cuma manusia biasa”. Untuk setiap perlakuan buruk yang kita lakukan, hal tersebut malah akan ‘membunuh’ diri kita sendiri.

Lalu ada lagi yang mengirim puluhan chat ke nomor mantan. Bahkan setiap mantan berganti nomor ponsel selalu berhasil ditemukan. Serius deh, bukannya luluh dan iba, tapi justru muak dan risih. Mengejar mantan pun ada batasannya. Jangan sampai niat baik justru menjadi alasan mantan untuk memilih berhenti berkomunikasi. Itu merupakan tindakan teror secara tidak langsung.

Tidakkah terpikir jika kita bisa mendapatkan kembali mantan dengan ancaman, berarti itu jelas bukan karena cinta, namun justru karena rasa kasihan semata. Sungguh tidak nyaman memiliki seseorang namun hatinya tidak untuk kita. Seperti jatuh cinta pada hati yang kosong.

Bagaimana dengan melaporkan kepada orangtua gadis itu jika anak perempuannya adalah lesbian. How dare you! Sebegitu inginnya membalas sakit hati hingga terkarang menjadi sebuah dendam. Sangat ingin menyebut sebagai cara pengecut dan terlalu picik. Apakah tidak pernah terlintas rasa saling menghargai orientasi seksual selaku sesama lesbian? Percayalah, bumerang yang dilempar justru akan mengenai pemilik jauh lebih keras. Menurut saya, itulah perilaku yang pantas untuk di-blacklist dari ranah komunitas lesbian. Merasa bahagia atas perbuatan itu pun rasanya tidak bisa dibenarkan.

Masih banyak cara lain untuk mengobati luka hati. Move on itu memang tidak mudah, tapi bukan berarti kita jadi membuatnya semakin rumit. Ikuti saja prosesnya. Jangan dipaksa. Boleh lamban, asal jangan sampai tidak bergerak sama sekali. Tidak ingin move on juga tak apa, asal tidak merugikan orang lain.

Saya pun pernah merasakan sakit hati yang teramat dalam. Oleh sebab itu saya mampu membagi tulisan ini. Tapi justru dengan kesabaran kini saya tersenyum sebagai seorang lesbian yang telah menyulam jaring-jaring kebahagiaan. Di luar sana banyak kehidupan yang jauh lebih indah. Hanya tinggal kita saja, mau menciptakan atau tidak.

Semua orang bebas mengeluarkan pendapat. Ini hanyalah tulisan yang saya keluarkan dari pikiran saya semata. Banyak opini dan tentunya akan banyak sikap lain. Lakukan apapun yang kamu  mau, asal tidak menyentuh  ranah milik orang lain. Jadilah lesbian yang tetap berpikiran sehat walaupun hati sedang sekarat.

Be happy, temukan kebahagiaan dan cinta lain. Jangan biarkan sakit hati menumbuhkan dendam. Ikhlaskan  masa lalu untuk bahagia, walaupun tanpa kita. Dan yakin saja, kita bukan satu-satunya orang yang pernah terluka.

Salam sayang dari saya yang juga pernah terluka dan sedang bahagia.

(Chey, @CheyKu)

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