How to Raise a Kid as an L Mom

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“Hah? Lo udah punya anak?”
“Hah? Kok bisa?”
“Hah? Terus anak lo gimana?”

Pertanyaan tersebut sering banget ditanyakan oleh lesbian lainnya saat mereka berkenalan dengan L mom. Gue mewakili L mom lainnya mau bilang kalau kita tuh sebel banget sama pertanyaan kayak gitu.

“Emangnya kenapa kalau kita punya anak? Lah anak, anak gue. Yang gedein gue, yang urusin juga gue. Kenapa lo yang kepo? Pacar gue juga bukan. Lo cuma orang yang baru kenal sama gue.”

Oke, sepertinya ini out of topic banget ya dari judul How to Raise a Kid As an L Mom, tapi gue pengen nulis unek-unek, mumpung bisa sekalian gitu. Nggak jauh-jauh amat lah keluar dari topiknya hahahahaha *maksa*

Baiklah, daripada gue diomelin sama pembaca karena terlalu OOT, kita sekarang menuju topik yang sebenarnya. How to raise a kid as an L mom.

Sebenarnya apa sih bedanya membesarkan anak sebagai L mom atau straight mom? Secara kayaknya banyak yang penasaran. Gimana bisa membesarkan anak dengan status pacaran sama cewek lain. Dan apakah pacar menerima keadaan lo yang punya anak? Nggak bikin ribet? Nggak susah? Lo masih bisa punya waktu buat hornymoon dengan pacar lo gitu?

Hadeh. Gue sih udah bosan dengan pertanyaan-pertanyaan itu. Jadi di sini, gue coba menjawab semua pertanyaan yang ada di benak para lesbian lainnya mengenai gimana cara membesarkan anak sebagai L mom.

Jadi begini ya, pada dasarnya semua ibu itu sama. Mau dia itu straight atau L mom, kita semua sayang sama anak kita. Dan kita juga merasa they are our world. Kita akan melakukan apa pun demi membahagiakan mereka. Apalagi kalau ingat waktu gue mengandung anak gue. Ketika kaki kecil dia nendang-nendang perut gue, terus mual-mual waktu hamil, bahkan sampai perjuangan gue buat melahirkan dia (apalagi gue dulu sempat kritis waktu melahirkan).   Melihat dia lahir sehat, hidup senang, senyum bahagia, semua susah dan sakitnya pas mengandung sampai dia lahir ke dunia ini lenyap seketika.

Jadi kalian udah paham kan, apa pun orientasi seksualitas seorang ibu, cinta seorang ibu ke anaknya itu sama saja. Dan itu poin terpenting dari membesarkan anak. Kita perlu cinta dalam membesarkan anak.

Dengan adanya cinta,
Kita rela semalaman nggak tidur ketika dia sakit.
Kita rela bangun tiap dua jam sekali demi memberikan susu kepada anak kita.
Kita rela hanya tidur tiga jam sehari karena malamnya kita sibuk mengurus anak dan paginya kita harus pergi kerja.

Ketika anak kita udah agak besar,
Rela bangun pagi-pagi menyiapkan makanan untuk anak, menyiapkan seragam, dan lainnya.
Secapek apa pun kita kerja, pulang kerja kita harus bisa meluangkan waktu untuk menemani dia main atau membantu dia belajar.

Bahkan gue sama juga dengan pasangan straight lainnya, gue mengajarkan anak gue tentang agama sedari kecil. Gue pengen anak gue mengerti tentang Tuhan dan takut kepada Tuhan.

Jadi kalau gitu, bedanya apa dong straight mom dan L mom dalam membesarkan anak? Sebenarnya sih, overall sama saja ya. Walaupun gue adalah seorang lesbian, gue tetap pengen anak gue hidup normal senormal-normalnya. Sekolah, kerja, married, terus punya anak.

Mungkin yang membedakan secara jelas adalah anak gue punya dua orang mama. Cuma ya, dia tahunya mamanya cuma satu kok. Pacar gue itu auntie. Nggak mungkin juga lah gue cerita sama dia kalau kita pacaran. Gue takut dia shock. Pingsan mendadak.

Nah, di sinilah perjuangan gue sebagai L mom dalam mencari pacar. Kita sebagai L mom nggak boleh dan nggak bisa kayak lesbian lainnya. Asal suka sama suka, ya udah, pacaran aja. Sebagai L mom, banyak sekali yang harus dipikirkan dan dipertimbangkan sebelum memutuskan untuk pacaran.
Apa saja yang dipikirin? Yah, yang namanya ibu-ibu, banyak lah yang dipikirin.

Eh ralat, saya masih muda. Jadi bilangnya ibu muda aja ya. Yah, yang namanya ibu muda, banyak lah yang dipikirin. Contohnya, dia bisa nggak ya terima gue dan anak gue sepaket? Duh, dia bisa nggak ya sayang sama anak gue? Hmmm.. Waktu gue terbatas banget. Sama sekali nggak fleksibel, gimana ya? Duh, anak gue terlantar nggak ya nanti?

Jadi dalam mencari pacar akan diperlukan masa pendekatan yang lama. Lebih bagus sih kalau lo dan pacar lo itu awalnya berteman. Jadi lo kenal baik pacar lo kayak gimana.

Terus apa hubungannya mencari pacar dengan membesarkan anak?

Wih, berhubungan erat banget dua hal ini. Kalau pacar lo nggak bisa benar-benar sayang sama anak lo gimana? Atau jahat sama anak lo? Terus lo diminta memilih pacar atau anak lo. Gimana?

Yah, sebenarnya sih gue pernah salah juga dalam memilih pacar. Dulu gue sempet pacaran dan salahnya gue dulu masih sok muda gitu. Jadi udah sama-sama suka, langsung hajar aja.  Awalnya sih nggak berasa gimana-gimana ya, tapi lama-lama gue berasa anak gue jadi kurang terurus. Gue sering pergi ninggalin anak gue (fyi, anak gue masih balita), quality time gue sama anak gue jadi kepotong karena harus membagi waktu untuk pacaran. Termasuk juga untuk hornymoon. Cuma untungnya gue sadar, gue nggak boleh egois sama anak. Apalah gunanya gue bahagia bisa bareng pacar gue kalau anak gue terlantar?

Sekarang sih gue berasa punya pacar yang oke. Di satu sisi dia bisa jadi pacar gue, di sisi lain dia bisa jadi temen baik anak gue, dan dia juga bisa jadi sahabat gue.

image

Kriteria yang gue harapkan dari seorang pacar ada dalam dirinya. Seorang pacar yang bisa bersama-sama  membesarkan anak. Kita sering pergi ke mana-mana bertiga. Pergi makan, pergi les, bahkan sampai main ke playground.

Jadi gue nggak mau lagi mengorbankan waktu bersama si kecil hanya supaya gue bisa pacaran. Karena anak seusia dia masih perlu perhatian dari mamanya dan perlu quality time dengan mamanya.

Beberapa pertanyaan yang mungkin terlintas dalam pikiran kalian mungkin muncul. Misalnya, ribet nggak kayak gitu? Hmmm… Dibawa santai aja. Jangan dibawa ribet. Kalau pacar lo baik, dia bisa nerima lo apa adanya. Bahkan dia bisa sayang banget sama anak lo.

Lo nggak takut anak lo tau kalian pacaran? Nggak takut anak lo marah?
Nah, ini sih pinter-pinternya lo aja ya. Sebisa mungkin kalau lagi di depan anak, kalian berdua bersikap biasa aja layaknya teman, atau layaknya kakak adik gitu.

Memang pacar lo mau? Ya harus mau lah. Kalau nggak mau, cari pacar baru aja.

Nah, terus gimana caranya bisa hornymoon? Ini nih penting banget ya pertanyaannya, hahahaha…

Kalau anak lo udah gede sih nggak ribet ya. Suruh dia pergi ke mall aja sama temen-temennya, terus lo bisa punya waktu berduaan deh. Tapi kalau anak masih kecil, tantangan lo akan lebih besar. Karena akan jadi susah banget untuk bisa berduaan. Tapi bukannya makin besar tantangannya, makin menarik ya?

Untuk itu dibutuhkan kesabaran pacar lo dan kreativitas berdua, hahahaha.
Lo bisa tidurin anak lo dulu, tunggu sampe lelap, dan lo bisa deh bermesraan. Kalau anak nggak mau tidur juga? Nasib deh. Tapi nggak menutup kemungkinan buat mesra-mesraan kok. Itu semua tergantung kreativitas kalian berdua.

Jadi kesimpulannya, lo harus menempatkan kepentingan anak di atas kebahagiaan lo. Jangan sampe karena pacaran terus anak jadi terlantar. Dosa berat itu. Anak adalah titipan Tuhan, jadi lo harus bisa jaga dan rawat dia sebaik mungkin. Pacaran boleh-boleh aja, tapi carilah pacar yang benar-benar bisa membantu membesarkan anak bareng-bareng. Bisa mencintai anak lo seperti anaknya sendiri.

Apa gunanya bahagia kalau anak lo nggak bahagia? Buat gue sebagai seorang ibu, kebahagiaan anak gue adalah segalanya buat gue. Because every child is a blessing.

(@lynn_femelle)

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