Puan dalam Pelukan

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Teruntuk puan yang pernah dalam pelukan.

Aku tak akan bertanya apa kabarmu hari ini. Kita sama- sama tahu, baik di antara kita tak ada yang tahu kapan semua akan menjadi kembali baik. Aku tak berharap hari-hariku akan kembali baik sama seperti sebelum aku mengenalmu, karena akan hanya terasa percuma. Bahkan sebelum mengenalmu aku masih berusaha untuk baik- baik saja.

Di hari kita berakhir, aku mulai belajar merelakan dan melepaskan (lagi). Tak mudah. Bahkan ketika aku pernah melakukan itu sebelumnya dan berulang- ulang. Melupakanmu, aku sudah lelah. Lalu kubiarkan begitu saja, aku tak ingin memaksa diriku. Aku pikir aku akan melupakanmu karena terbiasa. Dan itu benar- benar tak mudah.

Tetap menjadikanmu ada dalam hidupku juga tak mudah. Aku akan mulai memikirkan rasa sakitku sebagai pengingat, ketika aku mulai merasa bahagia hanya karena pesan darimu. Anggap saja aku sakit. Tak apa. Aku sedang berusaha untuk kembali baik dengan caraku sendiri.

Maafkan aku bila aku terlalu keras dan bersikap kasar setiap kali kau berusaha untuk baik kepadaku. Aku hanya tak sanggup terus berpura-pura baik setelah tanpamu. Maafkan aku untuk kesempatan yang tak pernah ku berikan dan alasan- alasan yang tak akan pernah aku tanyakan. Aku hanya ingin melindungi perasaanku sendiri. Anggap saja semua perkataan teman-temanmu tentang aku itu benar. Aku tak pernah menjadi orang yang baik seperti yang pernah ada di benakmu.

Puan yang pernah ada dalam pelukku, maafkan aku yang mudah melepaskanmu. Maaf.

Dari puan yang pernah kepayahan mencintaimu

(Nde, @forsVnde)

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