Setahun

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Hai,

Bulan ini tepat setahun kita berpisah, dan tidak sehari pun di 2016 ini aku lewatkan tanpa merindukanmu.

Hubungan kita yang kemarin memang sudah beberapa bulan berjalan dengan tidak sehat, ditambah lagi dengan kehadiran orang lain yang akhirnya menambah kacau hubungan kita. Salah siapa itu? Aku yang selalu cemburu? Dia yang masuk di saat hubungan kita kacau? Atau kamu yang membukakan pintu untuknya?

Aku tidak tahu mengapa sampai detik ini aku tidak bisa melupakanmu. Mengapa melupakanmu membutuhkan waktu selama ini, Kus?

Aku selalu bertanya-tanya, mengapa kamu cepat sekali melupakanku? Mengapa hanya dalam hitungan hari kamu sudah menemukan penggantiku? Apa kamu benar-benar mencintainya? Apa kisah cinta kita kemarin hanya bahagiaku saja? Sebegitu tak berhargakah aku di hatimu? Sebegitu salahkah aku?

Kamu tahu, sampai detik ini aku masih tidak percaya kamu setega ini. Kamu sejahat ini. Mereka bilang aku denial, Kus. Tidak, aku tidak denial. Untuk kamu, logikaku yang tak seberapa ini tidak berfungsi. Untuk kamu, hatiku selalu menang.

Dan untuk diriku, aku akan terus berusaha melupakanmu.

Dari perempuan yang pernah (dan masih) mencintaimu seperti bernafas.

(Delia)

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