Jas Putih Tata (Part. 2)

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3 Maret 2016
“Nunaaaa Bebi Bala-balanya aku, gimana kondisinya sekarang? Mendingan?”
“Adeeeel! Huhu pengen pulang, nggak betah di RS nih. Mendingan kok, lo kapan ke sini? Tengokin dong temennya sakit”

“Iye Nun, ini gue lagi mau on the way jemput Fina, Danish sama Ghea. Mau dibawain apa lo?”

“Bawain Tata, Del.”

“Lah, si Tata emang nggak di situ?”

“Emm, ada kok kemaren ke sini.”

“Hawa-hawanya ada yang lagi berantem nih. Sakit malarindu ya lo, Nun?”

“Apaan sih lo ah, Del. Bahasa lo itu yee so last year. Ya udah ah, hati-hati lo, Del. Bawain tas, sepatu sama case iPhone baru ya, hahaha…”

“Ah, ini mah lo bukan sakit, modus ye biar banyak yang belanjain?”

“Beneran sakit, dodol. Ini infusan masih nempel, udah cepetan kemari, gue sendirian ini, nyokap gue lagi balik dulu.”

“Oke siap, Nun, meluncur.”
Aku berharap Tata tahu keadaanku saat ini. Aah, aku bingung sendiri. Aku ingin menjauh dari Tata tapi setelah semuanya berhasil aku malah tak bisa. Aku ingin bicara lagi dengan Tata, tapi berkali-kali aku mencoba menghubunginya, tak ada jawaban, bahkan belakangan nomor HP nya tidak dapat dihubungi. Aku kangen kamu banget, Ta.

Mungkin benar juga kata Adel, malarindu kali ya. Jatuh sakit karena rindu. Betapa lemahnya, ketika pikiranku menginginkan kamu pergi dari aku, tapi hatiku tak sanggup, malah menginginkanmu ada di sini, di sisiku lagi.

Mungkin ketidaksinkronan yang terjadi dalam diriku ini yang membuatku sakit seperti ini. Ah, entahlah. Yang jelas aku rindu sekali pada Tata. Semoga Adel mengabari Tata dan membawa Tata datang kemari. Semoga saja.
“Nunaaa! Gimana kondisi lo, Nun?” tanya Fina dengan heboh begitu masuk kamar rawat inapku. Telingaku mendengar suara Fina, tapi mataku langsung mencari sesosok butch yang kuinginkan kehadirannya. Tata… Akhirnya aku bisa melihat kamu lagi.

“Hai.. Mendingan, Fin, udah turun panasnya, kata dokter kalau besok udah nggak panas lagi gue boleh pulang, doain ya biar cepet sembuh.”

Teman-temanku ini memang heboh, apalagi Adel dan Fina, mereka sangat bisa mencairkan suasana sebeku apapun. Kedatangan mereka semua sangat menghiburku, terlebih Adel berhasil membawa Tata ke sini. Entah Adel sudah tahu atau belum tentang permasalahanku dengan Tata, yang jelas aku senang Tata ada di sini sekarang.

“Ssst, sst, ayo keluar.” Adel sepertinya sudah tahu ada sesuatu yang terjadi di antara kami. Adel mengajak yang lain menunggu di luar. Aku tak sanggup lagi, aku ingin bicara dengan Tata. Tata menghampiriku, duduk di sebelah ranjangku. Aku ingin sekali memeluknya, tapi aku hanya berani menggenggam tangannya.

“Maafin aku, Tata…”

Hanya kata-kata itu yang bisa terucap dari mulutku, meskipun dalam pikiranku banyak sekali yang ingin aku katakan pada Tata. Baru juga aku mengucapkan tiga kata, mataku sudah berkaca-kaca.

“Tata tahu kan Nuna sayangnya kayak apa sama Tata. Nuna sayang banget sama Tata. Nuna minta maaf banget.” Ya, aku berhasil bicara beberapa kata lagi, tapi dengan berderai air mata.

“Udah Nun, nggak usah dibahas itu dulu, yang penting kamu sehat dulu ya, nanti kita bahas lagi kalau kamu udah pulang. Makanya kamu cepet sembuh, ya.”

Aku tak peduli lagi, aku memeluk Tata dengan sangat erat. Aku rindu, aku merasa bersalah, aku tak sanggup tanpanya, aku melalui hari-hari yang berat tanpanya, aku menangis lagi di pelukan satu-satunya orang yang bisa menenangkanku.

Terimakasih sudah mengesampingkan egomu dan datang menjengukku, Ta.

12 Maret 2016
Setelah aku pulang dari rawat inap, aku bertemu dengan Tata. Akhirnya aku menjelaskan semuanya, tanpa ada satu pun hal yang di tutup-tutupi. Aku dan Tata sama-sama menderita dengan perpisahan kami kemarin. Aku pikir untuk apa aku berbohong, aku tak bisa tanpanya, dia pun merasakan hal yang sama, jadi aku putuskan untuk bicara jujur sejujur-jujurnya padanya.

Proses pernikahanku dengan Ryan masih terus berjalan, dan aku harus membiasakan kehadiran Ryan di antara kami sekarang.

“Ya Sayang, ya? Pleaseee.. Bantuin Nuna dong. Ya, ya, ya?”

Aku membujuk Tata untuk yang ke sekian kalinya supaya dia mau untuk menjadi fotografer di pernikahanku nanti. Jahat memang, tapi bagaimanapun Tata harus mulai terbiasa dengan adanya Ryan. Aku ingin Tata merasa biasa saja dengan Ryan, tidak usah cemburu, karena Ryan akan selalu ada dalam keseharianku.

Aku dan Tata bertemu di Golden Monkey sore itu, membicarakan semuanya. Tentang aku dan dia yang sekarang. Tentang hubungan kami yang akan segera dihadiri orang ketiga secara resmi.

19 Maret 2016
Sesuai jadwal, hari ini aku dan Ryan sudah menyelesaikan sesi foto pre-wedding. Tata terlihat bad mood seharian, sepertinya dia masih cemburu dengan Ryan. Aku tahu ini bukan hal mudah untuk Tata, empat tahun aku benar-benar milik dia, tapi sekarang Tata harus merelakan “berbagi” aku dengan orang lain. Meskipun aku sudah mencoba mengalihkan perhatiannya, namun raut cemburu tak hilang dari wajahnya.

Aku mengerti, ini bukanlah sesuatu yang harusnya dilakukan oleh sepasang kekasih, tetapi kami juga pernah mencoba untuk berpisah, ternyata hanya menyiksa saja rasanya. Rasa saling sayang, saling membutuhkan, saling menginginkan kami lebih besar daripada rasa ingin menyudahi, maka kami memutuskan untuk tetap bersama, meskipun ada Ryan di tengah-tengah kami sekarang.

Bagaimanapun beratnya, tapi aku dan Tata akan terus mencoba untuk tetap bersama. Dan perlu diketahui bahwa ini bukan hanya berat untuk Tata, tapi juga untukku. Aku harus bisa membagi waktu untuk Ryan dan Tata, harus bisa selalu meluangkan waktu untuk Tata tanpa Ryan ketahui. Juga tidaklah mudah melihat Tata cemburu seperti saat pre-wedding tadi, karena tidak ada yang bisa aku lakukan selain membuat Tata terbiasa dengan Ryan.

Maaf ya Tata, tapi kita harus bisa melewati ini semua, seberat apapun, karena kita telah memutuskan untuk tetap bersama. Semoga aku dan kamu terus kuat mempertahankan apa yang sudah kita pertahankan dari empat tahun yang lalu ya, Ta. Apalagi kamu, kamu harus lebih kuat dari aku Tata, harus bisa membunuh rasa cemburu kamu sama Ryan. Aku yakin, jika kita saling sayang dan mencintai, semua bisa terlalui. Demi aku dan kamu, untuk selalu tetap bersama, apapun yang terjadi. Kuat ya, Tata.
(SashaJulyy, @redvel55)

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