Love Yourself!

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Bukan, ini bukan contekan lirik Love
Yourself
punya Bieber. Jadi kalau kamu seorang Belieber garis keras, mohon
maaf sebelumnya karena merasa di-PHP judul 🙂 Eh, tapi kalau kamu Belieber
garis keras, saya rasa udah nggak perlu contekan lirik Love Yourself lagi. Udah khatam dong pasti.

Ah, anyway, saya sengaja pinjam judul Bieber karena dua kata tersebut paling tepat
untuk menggambarkan apa yang ada di tulisan ini.

Semua orang seharusnya sayang sama diri sendiri. Semua orang punya hak
untuk merasa dirinya layak disayangi. Dicintai. Di sisi lain, banyak juga agak
sulit untuk melakukan hal itu. Saat kita berada di hubungan yang abusive, misalnya. Jangan dulu ketawa
dan mbatin, “Duh, nggak mungkin deh gue sampe bisa terjebak dalam abusive relationship. Kan pacar gue juga
perempuan.” That is so wrong, Dear. Abusive relationship bisa terjadi dalam
semua jenis hubungan kok, termasuk perempuan dan perempuan.

image

Tahu nggak, ada hasil survei mengejutkan –sekaligus juga ngenes sebenarnya– dari National Resource Center on Domestic Violence. Survei yang dilakukan pada 1.100 lesbian ini mengatakan bahwa sekitar lebih dari setengah jumlah tersebut dilaporkan pernah diperlakukan secara abusive oleh pasangannya. Kaget? Tahan dulu. Data survei juga bilang bahwa sekitar 17-45 persen lesbian pernah mengalami kekerasan fisik yang dilakukan pasangannya.

Itu baru yang ketahuan karena disurvei. Ibarat gunung es, yang kelihatan cuma puncaknya doang. Abusive relationship sendiri juga nggak terbatas urusan fisik belaka kok. Verbal pun juga. Coba deh kamu lingkarin beberapa pilihan ini, mana yang pernah kamu alami selama pacaran sama pasangan yang sekarang, atau mungkin sama mantan kamu.

image

(Infografis: Stu Astuti)

Coba cek juga yang ini ya.

image

Sayangnya, walaupun sadar diperlakukan nggak baik oleh pasangan, untuk lepas dari hubungan abusive pun nggak semudah membalikkan telapak tangan. Ada siklus yang seringkali membuat korban sulit melepaskan diri dari pasangannya yang abuser.

image

Berawal dari Tensions Building, dimana biasanya si pacar mulai bad mood dan kondisi serta komunikasi mulai nggak enak, panas. Pokoknya, apa juga salah deh. Dalam kasus ini, kamu yang (di)salah(kan), maksudnya. Kalau kamu merasa mulai takut ada ribut-ribut, di sinilah fase pertama dimulai.

Lalu Indicent. Di fase ini semuanya terjadi. Entah si pacar menghina kamu, memaki-maki kasar dan segala bentuk ungkapan verbal kasar lainnya, atau menyerang kamu secara emosional dan bahkan sampai menyakiti secara fisik. Kamu merasa diancam dan diintimidasi.

Lalu setelah itu masuk fase ketiga. Ibarat badai pasti berlalu, di fase ini si abuser minta maaf atas kekasarannya. Bisa juga nggak minta maaf karena dia merasa gengsi, tapi sikapnya jadi lebih baik. Di fase ini biasanya dia juga kasih alasan kenapa kasar, tapi tetap menyalahkan si korban.

Fase keempat, Calm. Seakan dia lupa pernah bertindak kasar dan nyakitin kamu. Dia akan baik-baikin dan bersikap biasa, malah kadang sangat manis seakan mau menebus kesalahan. Lalu…….. mulailah kembali ke fase pertama. Begitu seterusnya, sampai kamu bonyok fisik dan mental.

Sudah capek? Sakit?  Takut? Tapi susah lepas? Ada kok cara lepasnya. Saya pisahkan di tulisan berikutnya biar kamu nggak pusing karena kepanjangan bacanya 🙂

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