Sampaikan Rinduku

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Malam ini aku menceritakan tentang sebuah kerinduan. Ditemani sunyi malam, aku akan menceritakan tentang rasa rindu yang tak ingin aku ungkapkan dan kerinduan yang tak bisa aku utarakan. Aku merindukan orang-orang yang pernah berada di kehidupanku, menjadi bagian dari diriku, dan menemani setiap langkahku. Hal yang paling gila yang kurasakan malam ini adalah aku merindukan sosok yang bahkan belum pernah kutemui sebelumnya. Penciptaku. Bagaimana mungkin aku bisa bisa merasakan hal seperti itu? Rindu yang tak bisa kujelaskan dengan perkataan, bahkan saat aku mencobanya.

Aku merindukan kedua orangtuaku. Betapa singkatnya waktu yang diberikan penciptaku untuk aku merasakan kasih sayang kedua orang tuaku. Tujuh belas tahun aku dicintai ibuku, dilimpahi kasih sayangnya, dan dicintai sepenuh hatinya. Beliau adalah manusia paling tabah yang pernah aku kenal.

Saat sakitnya datang, tak sedetik pun beliau mengeluh. Beliau bahkan tetap bekerja pada saat yang bersamaan dengan semua pengobatan menyakitkan yang harus beliau jalankan. Beliau tak lantas menjadi tergantung dengan orang lain, bahkan tidak kepada ayahku sekalipun. Beliau adalah sosok paling pemberani, sabar, dan ikhlas yang pernah kukenal. Sayang, aku tidak memiliki waktu yang cukup untuk belajar bagaimana caranya menjadi sosok wanita seperti beliau.

Aku rindu ayahku. Beliau hanya memiliki waktu dua puluh lima tahun untuk menjagaku. Hubungan kami mungkin seperti hubungan ayah dan anak lainnya. Selisih pendapat itu sudah pasti, tapi di dua puluh lima tahun yang singkat itu aku belajar banyak tentang apa itu cinta, kasih sayang, dan rasa saling melindungi dan menjaga satu sama lain. Aku ingat saat beliau menceritakan masa mudanya dengan ibuku dulu. Beliau selalu bercerita dengan mata berkaca-kaca tentang bagaimana perjumpaan mereka, saat pacaran, dan bagaimana mereka berusaha memperjuangkan cinta mereka sampai akhirnya berujung dengan pernikahan. Sama seperti ayahku yang tidak pernah bosan menceritakan hal itu kepada anak-anaknya, aku dan adikku juga tidak pernah bosan mendengarkan ceritanya.

Semua masih jelas dalam benakku, di hari-hari terakhir hidupnya, ayahku berkata bahwa beliau sangat merindukan ibuku. Merindukan istrinya. Merindukan belahan jiwanya. Merindukan pasangan hidupnya. Aku ingin merasakan apa yang mereka rasakan, aku ingin memiliki cerita cinta seperti yang dimiliki kedua orangtuaku.

Sekarang mereka telah bersama kembali.

Dan aku tahu aku harus tetap bersyukur, karena pasti banyak anak yang mempunyai kesempatan jauh lebih singkat daripada aku untuk merasakan kasih sayang orangtuanya.

Rindu yang terakhir adalah rindu kepada orang yang pernah mengisi hari-hariku. Rindu yang tak ingin aku utarakan, karena aku pun tak tahu apakah ini rindu atau hanya perasaan semu.

Aku yang merindu.

(Gita, @citsatig)

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