Siapkah Kita untuk Pacaran?

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“Gue kayaknya mau putus aja deh!”

Ata dan Rena saling menatap heran saat mendengar pernyataan Nimas yang tiba-tiba datang dengan wajah kusut di salah satu restoran di bilangan Jakarta Selatan.

“Aduh, Nimas bener-beneh deh nih, ganti pacar kayak ganti baju. Sebentar sama ini, sebentar sama itu. Makanya gue males ngapalin nama mereka. Jadi penasaran, elu itu sebenarnya serius nggak sih kalau pacaran?” ujar Rena.

“Heh! Gue serius kali. Cuma dapetnya aja yang kagak bener. Ada yang posesif, tukang ngatur, suka ngintil, atau ternyata tukang selingkuh,” sahut Nimas menjelaskan alasan hubungannya yang sering kandas dalam waktu singkat.

Sebenarnya seberapa siapkah kita dalam menjalin hubungan?

Siap atau nggaknya diri kita menjalin hubungan itu tergantung individu masing-masing. Para lesbian yang sudah berusia matang ataupun masih muda tapi mempunyai pemikiran yang matang, mungkin akan sangat berhati-hati dalam memilih pasangannya. Rata-rata dari mereka nggak menginginkan hubungan yang hanya mengejar keseruan saja. Mereka juga tidak menginginkan hubungan yang sedikit-sedikit ribut karena masalah  sepele.

Kedewasaan emosi

Banyak hubungan yang kandas karena kurang matangnya emosi dalam setiap individu. Singkatnya sih masih mementingkan ego. Nimas sangat gerah ketika pasangannya selalu menuntut keinginannya dituruti. Menuntut Nimas harus selalu mengangkat teleponnya, meminta ditelepon, atau menuntut Nimas harus selalu menemaninya jika dia sedang tidak enak badan, dan banyak lagi lainnya. Kalau Nimas tidak menuruti maka pacarnya akan ngambek dan menggalau di dunia persilatan. Perilaku pacar Nimas yang terlalu mendominasi menyebabkan rasa tidak nyaman dalam diri Nimas. Waktunya banyak tersita untuk mengurusi kepentingan pacarnya. Padahal, IMHO, hubungan yang dewasa itu yang saling melengkapi bukan malah mendominasi.

Keleluasaan

“Sayang, aku udah sama Ata nih, tinggal tunggu Nimas datang, nanti kita bertiga mau lanjut nonton habis makan siang. Eh, besok kalau kita nggak bisa ketemuan ya nggak usah dipaksain. Kamunya juga lagi repot sama kerjaan, kan? Santai ajalah, toh seminggu ini kerjaan kita emang lagi ribet banget,” ujar Rena di telepon kepada pacarnya.

Berikan ruang dan keleluasaan. Masa iya sih harus menuntut kasih kabar setiap saat kepada pacar sedang di mana, bersama siapa, sedang berbuat apa? Itu pacar atau satpam? Berkomunikasi secukupnya tanpa ada tuntutan yang terlalu memaksakan jika kondisi tak memungkinkan. Dengan begitu kita bisa saling menghargai, memahami dan saling memberikan waktu luang untuk pasangan kalian masing-masing.

Individu yang dewasa juga akan memahami arti jarak. Ia akan memberi ruang dan waktu sendiri kepada pasangannya, terlepas apakah  hubungan itu sedang dalam kondisi tidak baik atau sedang damai-damai saja. Hubungan yang saling memiliki batasan privasi cenderung lebih awet dan minim konflik internal. Itu artinya sama-sama saling memberi tanggung jawab dan rasa percaya kepada pasangannya.

Kedewasaan komunikasi

“Pasti Sely iri deh pengen ikutan nonton ya, Ren?” tanya Ata ketika Rena menyudahi pembicaraan dengan pacarnya.

“Banget! Tapi nggak apa-apa. Dia juga sekarang lagi family time karena kangen nyokapnya. Eh, lu lagi berantem, Ta?”

“Iya nih, lagi panas situasi. Jadi gue bilang aja buat cooling down dulu, ademin pikiran, dibicarakan lagi nanti kalau udah sama-sama dingin kepalanya. Susahnya LDR kan  kalau lagi berantem atau kangen. Kita masih saling kontak kok, tapi yang ringan aja sih.”

Kedewasaan komunikasi dalam pertengkaran juga penting. Kalau tahu situasi sedang memanas, lebih baik salah satu mengalah dengan tidak menyampingkan masalah. Bisa dengan nggak saling berkomunikasi sementara waktu, atau tetap berkomunikasi tapi nggak membahas topik yang sedang diperkarakan. Bisa juga dengan sekadar memberi kabar ringan saja.

Be yourself

“Awal pedekate gue tuh merasa cocok karena gue mikirnya kok banyak bener ya kesamaannya. Nggak tahunya semakin ke sini, semakin keliatan dong kalau itu semua cuma kamuflase!” ujar Nimas.

“Maksudnya?” tanya Ata sambil memotong Tiramisu Layer Cake pesanannya

“Ya dia ngomong dong kalau gue egois karena gue nggak pernah ikutan dia nonton konser,  sedangkan dia sendiri bela-belain nonton film india Kabhi Kushi Kabhi Gham bolak balik karena tahu kalau gue suka. Lah pan gue kagak nyuruh dia juga buat suka film India yak. Nyuruh nonton juga kagak!” terang Nimas kepada kedua sahabatnya.

Menjadi diri sendiri bukan berarti menolak mentah-mentah segala perubahan. Misalkan pasangan suka nonton konser dan kita tidak suka. Bukan berarti kita menolak mentah-mentah atau bahkan melarang pasangan nonton konser musik juga. Kita juga nggak perlu memaksakan mengikuti hobi atau kesukaan gebetan/pasangan supaya memiliki persamaan. Kita tetap  bisa mempunyai pendapat dan pandangan sendiri kok, dan pasangan kita berkewajiban menghargai serta menghormatinya, begitu juga sebaliknya.

Adaptif

“Kalian merasa nggak sih kalau gue banyak berubah?” tanya Ata kepada kedua sahabatnya

“Elu agak bisa lebih sabar daripada sebelumnya, Ta. Itu perubahan signifikan yang gue lihat di elu. Terlepas dari sekarang elu kelihatan kurusan,” jelas Rena.

Really? Why I cannot see that?” Nimas bertanya dengan nada takjub disambut dengan tatapan heran Rena akan ketidakpekaan sahabatnya itu.

Well, banyak yang bilang begitu sih. I don’t know, with Lika I learned a lot of things. Mulai dari cara berkomunikasi dan nggak gampang menanggapi segala sesuatu dengan emosi,” terang Ata.

Setiap individu mempunyai beberapa persamaan dan perbedaan. Ketika kedua individu itu saling menjalin hubungan, maka akan ada proses adaptasi. Pelajari sisi negatif dan positif pasangan kita. Ambil sisi positif yang dirasa memang nyaman untuk kita terapkan dalam diri kita sendiri. Misalkan, pasangan kita pintar dalam mengatur keuangan sedang kita boros, nggak ada salahnya juga kalau kita belajar padanya tentang cara mengatur keuangan. Atau kalau misal pasangan kita nggak gampang ngambek karena masalah sepele dan kita adalah tipikal yang mudah ngambek, masa iya kita mau yang terus-terusan ngambek dan dia yang mengalah? Kata kuncinya adalah kemauan dan penerimaan. Namun ingat, terkadang perubahan terasa tidak nyaman. Yang penting adalah bagaimana kita berpikir bahwa perubahan itu membantu kita berkembang menjadi lebih baik.

Jika kita memiliki pasangan yang tidak membuat diri kita berkembang menjadi lebih baik, mungkin saatnya hubungan itu dipertanyakan, is it worth it?

Buat kita yang single atau selalu gagal dalam percintaan, are we ready to get in to a  relationship?

“Sejam lagi filmnya main nih,” Rena mengingatkan kedua sahabatnya

“Oke. Gue minta bill­ dulu,” sahut Ata.

“Jadinya gimana? Elu jadi putus?” tanya Rena kepada Nimas.

“Gue cari cadangan dulu. Enak aja gue putus terus kagak ada gantinya. Kalian ada temen yang lagi single kagak?”

Pernyataan Nimas hanya membuat Ata dan Rena menggelengkan kepala sambil melontarkan pertanyaan secara bersamaan.

“Jadi sebenarnya elu tuh siap nggak sih pacaran?!”

(CDC)

 

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  446. I don’t know whether it’s just me or if perhaps everyone else encountering problems with your blog. It seems like some of the text in your content are running off the screen. Can somebody else please comment and let me know if this is happening to them as well? This may be a issue with my browser because I’ve had this happen previously. Kudos

  447. Hello, I think your site might be having browser compatibility issues. When I look at your website in Ie, it looks fine but when opening in Internet Explorer, it has some overlapping. I just wanted to give you a quick heads up! Other then that, fantastic blog!

  448. Hiya! Quick question that’s totally off topic. Do you know how to make your site mobile friendly? My weblog looks weird when viewing from my iphone 4. I’m trying to find a template or plugin that might be able to correct this issue. If you have any recommendations, please share. Appreciate it!

  449. My coder is trying to persuade me to move to .net from PHP. I have always disliked the idea because of the expenses. But he’s tryiong none the less. I’ve been using WordPress on a number of websites for about a year and am nervous about switching to another platform. I have heard fantastic things about blogengine.net. Is there a way I can transfer all my wordpress posts into it? Any kind of help would be greatly appreciated!

  450. Hi there! I just wanted to ask if you ever have any issues with hackers? My last blog (wordpress) was hacked and I ended up losing months of hard work due to no back up. Do you have any methods to prevent hackers?

  451. I don’t know whether it’s just me or if perhaps everybody else encountering issues with your site. It appears as if some of the text within your content are running off the screen. Can somebody else please provide feedback and let me know if this is happening to them as well? This could be a issue with my browser because I’ve had this happen previously. Thanks

  452. Sweet blog! I found it while surfing around on Yahoo News. Do you have any suggestions on how to get listed in Yahoo News? I’ve been trying for a while but I never seem to get there! Cheers

  453. Heya! I understand this is somewhat off-topic however I needed to ask. Does managing a well-established website like yours take a lot of work? I’m brand new to writing a blog but I do write in my journal everyday. I’d like to start a blog so I can share my experience and thoughts online. Please let me know if you have any ideas or tips for brand new aspiring blog owners. Thankyou!

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  464. I know this if off topic but I’m looking into starting my own blog and was wondering what all is required to get setup? I’m assuming having a blog like yours would cost a pretty penny? I’m not very internet savvy so I’m not 100% certain. Any recommendations or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you

  465. I am really loving the theme/design of your web site. Do you ever run into any browser compatibility problems? A few of my blog readers have complained about my website not operating correctly in Explorer but looks great in Safari. Do you have any suggestions to help fix this issue?

  466. Fascinating blog! Is your theme custom made or did you download it from somewhere? A theme like yours with a few simple adjustements would really make my blog stand out. Please let me know where you got your design. Thanks

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  468. Today, while I was at work, my cousin stole my iphone and tested to see if it can survive a 40 foot drop, just so she can be a youtube sensation. My apple ipad is now destroyed and she has 83 views. I know this is totally off topic but I had to share it with someone!

  469. Hmm it seems like your blog ate my first comment (it was super long) so I guess I’ll just sum it up what I submitted and say, I’m thoroughly enjoying your blog. I too am an aspiring blog writer but I’m still new to the whole thing. Do you have any helpful hints for novice blog writers? I’d genuinely appreciate it.

  470. I was wondering if you ever considered changing the page layout of your site? Its very well written; I love what youve got to say. But maybe you could a little more in the way of content so people could connect with it better. Youve got an awful lot of text for only having 1 or 2 images. Maybe you could space it out better?

  471. Hmm is anyone else encountering problems with the images on this blog loading? I’m trying to figure out if its a problem on my end or if it’s the blog. Any responses would be greatly appreciated.

  472. Hey there just wanted to give you a brief heads up and let you know a few of the images aren’t loading correctly. I’m not sure why but I think its a linking issue. I’ve tried it in two different web browsers and both show the same results.

  473. Hello just wanted to give you a quick heads up. The text in your post seem to be running off the screen in Firefox. I’m not sure if this is a formatting issue or something to do with internet browser compatibility but I figured I’d post to let you know. The style and design look great though! Hope you get the problem resolved soon. Kudos

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  482. Hello there! This is kind of off topic but I need some help from an established blog. Is it tough to set up your own blog? I’m not very techincal but I can figure things out pretty quick. I’m thinking about making my own but I’m not sure where to start. Do you have any ideas or suggestions? Thank you

  483. I know this if off topic but I’m looking into starting my own weblog and was curious what all is needed to get set up? I’m assuming having a blog like yours would cost a pretty penny? I’m not very internet smart so I’m not 100% sure. Any tips or advice would be greatly appreciated. Cheers

  484. Hiya, I am really glad I have found this information. Nowadays bloggers publish only about gossip and internet stuff and this is actually annoying. A good web site with exciting content, that is what I need. Thank you for making this site, and I will be visiting again. Do you do newsletters by email?

  485. Hey this is kind of of off topic but I was wondering if blogs use WYSIWYG editors or if you have to manually code with HTML. I’m starting a blog soon but have no coding knowledge so I wanted to get advice from someone with experience. Any help would be enormously appreciated!

  486. Greetings! This is my first visit to your blog! We are a team of volunteers and starting a new project in a community in the same niche. Your blog provided us beneficial information to work on. You have done a outstanding job!

  487. Good day! This is kind of off topic but I need some advice from an established blog. Is it hard to set up your own blog? I’m not very techincal but I can figure things out pretty quick. I’m thinking about creating my own but I’m not sure where to begin. Do you have any tips or suggestions? Thanks

  488. Howdy! I know this is kinda off topic nevertheless I’d figured I’d ask. Would you be interested in exchanging links or maybe guest authoring a blog article or vice-versa? My site covers a lot of the same subjects as yours and I believe we could greatly benefit from each other. If you are interested feel free to shoot me an email. I look forward to hearing from you! Superb blog by the way!

  489. Nice blog! Is your theme custom made or did you download it from somewhere? A theme like yours with a few simple tweeks would really make my blog jump out. Please let me know where you got your design. Thanks

  490. Do you have a spam issue on this blog; I also am a blogger, and I was curious about your situation; many of us have developed some nice methods and we are looking to exchange strategies with other folks, please shoot me an email if interested.

  491. Hi! I know this is somewhat off-topic but I had to ask. Does operating a well-established blog such as yours require a large amount of work? I am brand new to running a blog however I do write in my journal every day. I’d like to start a blog so I can share my own experience and views online. Please let me know if you have any suggestions or tips for new aspiring blog owners. Thankyou!

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  494. I was curious if you ever considered changing the structure of your site? Its very well written; I love what youve got to say. But maybe you could a little more in the way of content so people could connect with it better. Youve got an awful lot of text for only having one or 2 images. Maybe you could space it out better?

  495. Yesterday, while I was at work, my cousin stole my iPad and tested to see if it can survive a twenty five foot drop, just so she can be a youtube sensation. My iPad is now destroyed and she has 83 views. I know this is totally off topic but I had to share it with someone!

  496. Howdy are using WordPress for your site platform? I’m new to the blog world but I’m trying to get started and create my own. Do you need any coding knowledge to make your own blog? Any help would be greatly appreciated!

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  498. Hello would you mind sharing which blog platform you’re working with? I’m looking to start my own blog soon but I’m having a difficult time choosing between BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal. The reason I ask is because your design and style seems different then most blogs and I’m looking for something completely unique. P.S My apologies for getting off-topic but I had to ask!