Trik Pedekate Tanpa jadi Annoying Bitch

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Baru putus, sudah move
on
, belum move on tapi mau cari distraction, dan lagi
semangat-semangatnya mau cari pacar baru?
Daripada hunting Pokemon
terus, lebih baik kamu balik ke ‘meat
market’
! Lagipula, kalau kamu punya social
media
–biasanya sih alter nih ya– calon gebetan sebenarnya berserakan.
Belum lagi kalau kamu mainan dating apps
buat lesbian juga. Kuncinya sebenarnya nggak susah kok: Bertemanlah dulu, lalu
kalau cocok, flirting dan pendekatan
di saat yang tepat! Penasaran? Check this
out!

1.       Stalking

untuk observasi. Iya ini penting. Kalau sudah berteman di social media, amati dululah calon
gebetan kamu. Coba stalking yang
cerdas. Jangan cuma stalking
melototin dia upload avatar baru. Cari
tau minatnya apa, latar belakangnya kayak gimana. Semua hal tersebut sebenarnya
bisa terlihat kok dari gaya bahasa, apa yang di-post dan dibahas di status. Kamu bisa tahu bidang kerja sampai dia
sukanya makan apa juga dari semua yang dia post.
Ini akan memudahkan kamu membuka percakapan sama dia nantinya.

2.       Jam
online.
Perhatikan kapan biasanya dia aktif online. Kalau gebetan termasuk nocturnal,
dia biasanya aktif di atas jam 23.00. Jadi kamu siap-siap tidur dulu ya,
anggaplah ini gladi resik jaga gardu ronda. Kalau gebetan tergolong diurnal yang jam 21.00 sudah nggak
aktif, jam 06.00 pagi mungkin dia sudah aktif nge-tweet tentang sarapan bubur yang kebanyakan dikasih sambal sama
abang buburnya.

image

3.       Bedah status. Kalau si calon gebetan gaya
menulisnya kayak pakai kalkulator, isinya angka sama huruf gede kecil dan kamu merasa
sedang memecahkan Da Vinci Code sewaktu baca statusnya, mungkin kamu lebih baik
cari gebetan lain, sebelum terlanjur pengen balas pakai Karce. Kalau statusnya
isinya kerjaan terus, artinya dia kerja kantoran yang sebenarnya sibuk tapi
ingin refreshing lewat akun alternya.
Kalau isi statusnya makanan terus, mungkin dia….cacingan. Eh nggak, berarti
kamu bisa ajak dia ngobrol soal makanan, kan?

4.       Jangan salah lempar topik. Kalau dia
sukanya dengerin misalnya, mmm… Tegan and Sara, terus kamu buka pembicaraan dengan
bahas 10 lagu goyang Pantura paling hot, ya boro-boro diladenin ngobrol,
siap-siap aja di-mute sekalian 😀 Kecuali
konteksnya bercanda sekalian ya. Be a
good observant!
Jelilah sedikit, cari minatnya dan ajak ngobrol seputar
itu. Kalau kamu dan dia minatnya sama, misalnya sama-sama suka musik RnB, kamu
sudah dapat modal besar untuk ngobrol lebih banyak. Tapi ingat ya, niat pertama
adalah berteman dulu. Kalau dia ramah dan bisa mengobrol A-Z sama kamu, belum
tentu juga dia naksir. Mungkin dia memang senang mengobrol atau merasa nyaman
sama kamu. Please behave and manage your
expectation, Girl
. Jangan kegeeran dulu 🙂

image

5.       Intensif tapi elegan. Kalau sudah target locked, coba kamu pakai jurus
bimbel buat lulus PTN: Intensif. Respons posting-an
dia. Dengan catatan, walaupun intensif, jangan setiap dia post sesuatu lantas kamu sambar. Kecuali kalau mention kamu dibalas terus sama dia, ya. Kalau nggak cuma sepihak,
silakan diumpan lanjutan di DM atau Inbox 🙂 Kalau setiap kamu mention nggak dibalas dan kamu yakin
akun dia nggak digembok, ya sudah, BHAY. Jangan ngarep.

6.
Menyenangkan.
Since girls love witty jokes, make
her laugh with your smart jokes.
Nggak semua orang witty, tapi kamu pasti bisa kok bikin dia tertawa karena lelucon.
Yang penting jangan SARA. Ini juga berlaku untuk pick-up lines. Kalau kamu tipe orangnya yang lebih banyak bingungnya
mau bercanda apa, ya sudahlah jangan maksa. Lebih baik kamu ajak ngobrol dulu,
dari situ akan berkembang kok selahnya 😀 Kalau orangnya suka nonton film,
mintalah rekomendasi film lesbian yang oke menurutnya, atau bisa juga bocoran resep
kalau dia misalnya hobi masak. The point
is to keep the convo feels fun for both of you.

Ini ada video yang lumayan buat bekal kamu kalau mau ajak gebetan nge-date.

7.       Jangan teror. Untuk kamu yang mau
pedekate dengan calon gebetan di akun alter, saat pertama kali berkenalan,
JANGAN PERNAH langsung minta nomor handphone,
ID Line, atau apalah itu yang terkait identitas asli. Kalau kamu cuma mau minta
itu semua supaya bisa lihat fotonya, lupakan. Minta nomor atau ID saat kalian
sudah saling merasa nyaman dan mau kenal lebih jauh. Nyaman di sini, untuk
kedua belah pihak ya. Bukan cuma kamu, tapi dia juga. Tapi kalau kamu diminta
duluan, KASIH! Hahaha nggak deng, maksudnya, pertimbangkan baik-baiklah. Kalau memang
kamu masih pengen ngobrol cuma di Inbox/Message/Talk/DM, yang tanpa harus melibatkan
nomor handphone atau membuka
identitas asli, ya bilang sama dia. Kalau dia memang niatnya baik, pasti maklum
kok 🙂 Tapi kalau niatnya dia mau nawarin MLM, mmm ya terserah kamu sih.

Sebenarnya
masih ada beberapa lagi, tapi kalau dibocorkan di sini semua, nanti kamu jadi
nggak kreatif pedekatenya. So, welcome
back to meat market!

Kaleia, @sehangat_hati

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248 COMMENTS

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